My Spirit Animal is a Sea Cow

I love manatees.

That’s dumb but I super love manatees and I think they’re my favourite animal.

They’re big and slow and peaceful. They’re vegetarian but have no natural enemies. Their biggest threat is humans, and they often have scars from getting hit by boats.

They’re still friendly though. There are theories that stories about mermaids actually arose from sailors’ interactions with manatees.

Mostly they just hang out by themselves all day, paddling around in shallow water, grazing on whatever’s around, and being generally chill AF. Also they used to be endangered, but they’ve recently been downgraded to just vulnerable, which is great, because people just kinda went “Hey, these guys are cool and they’re not hurting anyone, let’s stop fuckin with their steez.” And then they did. Probably. I dunno, I don’t have to check facts, this is the internet.

In conclusion, manatees are basically big sea teddy bears and I want to boop their noses.


I can’t stop buying makeup

send help plz

for heaven’s sake

a girl can’t live on lipstick and concealer

I think three cats is too many anyway

When I got home tonight there was a strange cat sitting in the front hall of my building. Friendly little calico thing.

I opened my apartment door and she just strolled right in and I considered just letting her stay with me forever. But I decided to do the right thing and check with the neighbours to see if she belonged to one of them. She belonged to the lady downstairs so I left her there and came back home to my two dumb entitled cats who don’t even care about me and don’t even REMEMBER how I RESCUED them.

I miss her.

I would have named her Roxy.

I think she would have been a good addition to my cat lady lifestyle.

My Artistic “Process”

  1. “Hey, I could probably do this one totally achievable thing that would look cool.”
  2. “OR… I could do a set of THREE things that would look RAD but are completely beyond the scope of my abilities.”
  3. “Yeah I better get started on that second thing I said so I can start hating myself when it doesn’t turn out how I want.”
  4. Try the thing
  5. Hate it
  6. Abandon it and doubt everything about who I am for two days
  7. Maybe come back to it and make it into something completely different or never come back to it again but feel like a failure either way


I want a little house up on the mountain, away from everything.

I want a big yard and a fire pit and a garden where I’ll try to grow some vegetables but I’ll probably fail because I’ve never had much of a green thumb.

I want a big tree that I can climb up and sit in to get a different perspective but hopefully it isn’t full of bugs.

I want a path through the woods that I can wander along and leave markers and bird feeders in my favourite spots, and hopefully the path is also not full of bugs.

I want a big dog to go on adventures with and who will wander through the woods with me and explore.

I want one room in my house with a projector aimed at a wall and I’ll screen my favourite movies there for me and my friends. Probably mostly just for me though since I don’t really have friends.

I want a bathroom with a great big bathtub that I can have bubble baths in, and I want a tv over the bathtub that I can watch Netflix on.

And people will be like “Jessica, don’t put a tv in your bathroom, that’s something old men would do,” and I’ll be like, “Shut up, this is my dream house and you weren’t even invited.”

Because who needs that kind of negativity?

She had one hand on her cane and the other on her husband to steady herself. 

He said, “She’s been doing that for 65 years.”

I giggled. He said, “Don’t laugh, you’ll get old one day too.”

I said, “I hope I do. I hope when I get there, I’ve got someone to hold onto.”